| Dear Jimmy, me old
mate, Thanks for not fixing it for me back in 1974,
when I wrote a 200 page begging letter asking to
meet the Bay City Rollers. I am now 44 and have
realised they are shit!!, my dad was right after
all. So this time no begging letter, but Fix me
up with George Clooney, Robbie Williams and Brad
Pitt, all at once!!! And I\'ll forgive your last
indiscretion.
thanks, Luscious Buttocks, aged Too old, Over here
Dear
Jim, I saw you at St James' Hospital in Leeds
the other day, looking old and sad. Can you fix
it for me to reverse time so that you actually
read the damn letter I sent you when I was ten.
(P.S I wanted to make the worlds largest Pie.)
thanks, Horace, aged 32, Leeds
Dear
Jim, Please can you fix it for me to have a pair
of camouflage trousers? I\'ve been trying to buy
some but I just can\'t seem to find any. Also, if
you could fix it for those pineapple chunks you
get in male public toilets to taste a bit better,
that\'d be appreciated.
thanks, Rufus Van Tootles, aged 25 and a half, The
corner
dear jim bob, please could u fix
it for me to see a lion to eat another lion because
i just want to know if liions can tell the difference
between normal meat and meat from thier own kind.
thanks, bob scholes, aged 22, yeoville
Dear Jimmel, please could you fix
my private parts i was born an inter sex baby i
have a little cock and a little pussy i need some
corrective treatment.p.s can you find out if i am
supposed to marry a man or a woman as i have a cock
and a pussy surly i am gay in both situations?
thanks, paddy pascoe, aged 10005, lala land
Dear Jim, Can you pplease fix it
for me to finish my 3rd year university degree project.
I have to make a buggy go around the areana, and
then pick up red bull cans. I have two weeks left
to finish it in and there are a lot of problems
with it! Please please please Jim, can you fix it
for me to finish my project. Best wishes Andy
thanks, Andy, aged 22, Bristol
dear Jim. Could you fix it for me to have an afternoon
with my mates playing football on the school grounds,
making a rope swing, bombing round the street on
our home made bikes with odd wheels and no brakes,
then go to the shops and have a Panda pop or a Jubbly
to cool us down. I havent done any of these things
since I got older and discovered women, alcohol,
mortgages, a career and bieng a parent. Hope you
can help.
thanks, mark shepherd, aged 42, Manchester
Dear Jim I get up in the morning and have sex with
my wife, when I get to work my secretary gives me
a blow job, and then at coffee I have the receptionist
doggie style over the photocopier. In the afternoon
the tea lady gives me a blow job then I go home
and give the wife another rodding. Please can you
fix it Jim so it doesnt hurt when I have a wank
in the shower before I go to bed. Thanks, Micheal,
from Belgium, aged 26
Fix me up Jim jim, i cant stand the sight of gobby
old pensioners could you just shoot them, or place
them in vats of dildos please. Ace Jones, Stroud,
aged 60
Dear "jimmy jim jim me lad"
saville I really want to be an astronaut but have
no legs or arms. seeing as i would need to pilot
the shuttle i was wondering if you could turn me
into some kind of jesus zombie so i can make myself
arms and legs out of naan bread. i want to be on
the moon
too old for you baby. Cheers, Alex Walker, from
Winstone, Aged 32
Dear
Jim, I WANT TO BE A PLAYBOY BUNNY. I am fat and
ugly and I know i\'d be great. My cellulite is spiralling
outta control and i successfully eating myself into
obesity. Please let the world see me and my beautiful
body... I am ginger.
Catty Filou, from hull 36
Dear
Jim, Many years ago I wrote to you asking if I could
meet Donny Osmond, he was the most gorgeous man
in the world to me. It was my dream to meet Donny
face to face and in my mind, without a doubt, he
would have fallen in love with me and whisked me
off to a life of fame and holding hands. The fact
that I was only 8 years old wouldn't have mattered
of course. Well, you didn't fix it for me and now
I don't want him anymore. I would now like you to
fix it for me to meet George Clooney, there'd be
no holding hands this time though! I'd want to sit
on his face and enjoy his tongue till I reached
orgasm, oil up my tits and give him a tit wank with
my ample breasts, then tie him up and sexually abuse
him till he can take no more. Please please please
fix it for me this time Jim, for Georges sake and
mine. Many thanks, Lorraine
L orraine from Essex, aged 36
Dear
Jim
You say that this site is for comedy
purposes only? Are you saying that all the situations
written about here are completly fictious and for
comedy purposes only? You dissapointed me. I was
about to ask you to fix something for me (with George
Clooney also, not his tongue as the other pervert
woman wrote, but with his scrotum, i.e., with the
pouch of skin enclosing the testicles in most male
mammals - George Clooney is a male mammals, ins't
him?) But why do I need a fictious meeting with
George Clooney? I speak some Italian and I've fucked
more Italian than anybody else out of Italy.Is somebody
out there to fix George for me ?No, not George Bush,
your animal, fix George Clooney in a bush for me.
thanks,
Regia, a Latin, bella latin, aged
28,38, Brazil in UK
Rene
Menzel
Oxford
Dear Jim, Could you fix it for me to have a helmet
made of chesse! love Renzel
Dear
Jim, Please could you fix it for me to appear on tv
with Rolph Harris singing Tie Me kangaroo down sport!
I used to live in Australia and can do a wicked Australian
accent! I would be a dream come true!! Thanx, Kenny
Sime aged, 22yrs from Milton roundabout Keynes
Dear
Jim After fixin' it for michael to have Elvis return
from the dead please could you fix it for me to have
him returned to his previous non alive state, as he
keeps hanging around my house eating all my cheeseburgers!
If this is not possible please could you send me some
corpse deodorant spray as he is starting to smell
a little. Cheers,
mark.harrison, aged 30, sheffield
Dear
Jimmell, Could you please fix it for me to become
one with my nice gran. I dearly love her and would
like her hand in marriage please. She cooks me gingerbread
furbys and liquid salt-peters. The police-people
say no to this, but I know you'll understand Jimmy.
Thanks
you.
Cresley Bwanna, aged 70 from Moss Side
dear
jim please may you fix it so my boyfriend can watch
dwarf porn for a living as he has fantasies about
naked dwarffs in shell suites ?
thanku
lisa big boobs, aged 19 1/2 peterborough
DEAR
"JIM" WELL I AM LIVING IN BARCELONA AT
MOMENT (i am from england "Hull")with
the misses,well i need your help to buy enough wood
to board her fuckin mouth up,As she is from ecuador
(South America)and we do have a lovely son together
so she belives i should "Bow" down to
her all the f*ckin time...ALLTERNATIVELY i am rather
good looking and i would love to have a nice young
18 year old to screw my "nads" in to space
as i am 31 years old i am started to feel the need
to concrete my misses feet in concrete i buy a shot
gun and blow her f*ckin tits off,so you see jim
i am more in need then all the other requests as
i need another woman...regards and coments to me
at keiththebeast@yahoo.co.uk 25/1/2004 thanks.
thanks, keith "From HULL", aged 31, barcelona
Dear
Jim, could you please fix it for me to appear in
an all new version hit 1980's comedy smash Duty
Free, as a hapless holiday tourist apparently permanently
trapped in the Costa del Sol. p.s. could Natalie
Imbruglia please play the part of the lass with
grey hair.
Yours
sincerely Eduard Soave Jackson, aged, 25 from Sunderland
Dear Jim
I wish for Four cheeseburgers and world peace please,
Jim. PS. Better make 'em quorn, just in case the yoghurt
weavers turn up... How's about that then?
torus, aged 26
Dear
jim Could you please fix it for me to get my ball
back as i lost it in the sea and cant get it back?
Mr F. B. Slim, aged 36, Hove
Dear Jimmy, You probably never saw
my letter dated 13th February 1988. You were probably
wrestling for Somalian refugees or polishing your
gold plated rolls royce. Let me see if this jog's
your memory....'Dear Jimmy, please can you fix it
for me to help the Police arrest my daddy. He beats
me and mummy and sells pictures of me with no clothes
on to his friends down the pub. Please protect me
because I don't love him anymore.....'. You fucker,
look at me now, fresh out of my 9th care home, I've
grown up as a bearded recluse and only venture into
public places at the crack of dawn to slash pathetically
with my butchers knife at female joggers on clapham
common....with my cock out. I\'m f*cked Jimmy....F*CKED.
Kind Regards, Jamie.
thanks, Jamie Garrett, aged 24, london
|


Your letter was only the start of it, one letter and
now you're a part of it,
Now you've done it, Jim has fixed for it you, and
you and you. There
must be something that you always want to do, the
one thing that you always wanted to,
Now you've done it, Jim has
fixed it for you, and you and you and you
Jim has fixed it for you, and
you and you and you-ou-ou.



Your letter was only the start of it, one letter
and now you're a part of it,
Now you've done it, Jim has fixed for it you, and
you and you.
There must be something that
you always want to do, the one thing that you always
wanted to,
Now you've done it, Jim has
fixed it for you, and you and you and you
Jim has fixed it for you, and
you and you and you-ou-ou.

|